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Horoscopes – 22nd May 2023

Aries

Chucky – You’re fuck off annoying and have a short temper. Despite looking like a bitch, you somehow manage to keep coming back. 

 

Taurus

Ghost Face – Despite all of your horror movie knowledge, you’re still going to lose. You’re clumsy, predictable, and sometimes have a poor motive behind your actions.

 

Gemini 

Freddy Krueger – Gemini’s are all about creativity, and where can you be more creative than in a dream? 

 

Cancer

Leatherface – Any slasher villain who finds time to host his final girl at a family dinner is a Cancer.

 

Leo

Patrick Bateman – You’re not one for demons and rituals, but that doesn’t mean you have an ounce of sanity inside. At least you’re hot. 

 

Virgo

Norman Bates – You got a lot of issues, and it’s turned you into a bit of a psycho (hehe). At least you always have a plan. 

 

Libra

Hannibal Lecter – Charisma is a dangerous weapon, and you have loads of it. At least that means you’ll never be alone (or hungry). 

 

Scorpio 

Michael Myers – Scorpios are mysterious and hard to read, so this is an obvious match. You can’t catch a break from getting the W. 

 

Sagittarius

Pinhead – We’ll ignore what Hellraiser was about and remind you of how adventurous you are. Like Pinhead, you have a hunger for knowledge and new experiences. 

 

Capricorn

Jason Vorhees -With such a high body count, you are well experienced in your area of expertise. Capricorns do love to be the best at whatever they attempt. 

 

Aquarius

John “Jigsaw” Kramer – You’re a visionary who wants to make the world a better place. Please stop. Go home.  

 

Pisces 

Candyman – You have a tragic backstory and feel things very strongly. You certainly built up a bit of a reputation because of it. 

Author

  • Arguably the loudest of the bunch, Tehana also boasts the youngest age. Easing out the mature students in our tīma, Tehana is a well travelled baddie with an eye for detail; focussing heavily on personal response within her musings. Also she wears hella cool stuff and we have mad respect for her.

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